Autocorrect and Other Technological Advances That Make My Head Hurt

I learned earlier this week that since I type two spaces after a period, everybody can tell that I’m older than dirt. I don’t know how I am ever going to retrain myself, so I might as well fess up to my age-exposing dirty secrets, and I’ll also take a few moments to unload about my frustrations with technology.

All things considered, I think I’m holding my own in the world of technology.  Those ‘considered’ things include the fact that when I started out in a professional office environment I had a typewriter, not a computer (hence, the reason I type two spaces after a period). Instead of sending emails we typed a memo on paper, made copies of it, and distributed the copies into physical mailbox slots.  Heck, we were paper clipping handwritten notes to reports, and when our Purchasing Manager introduced the first pads of sticky notes we thought they were the greatest thing since Moby Dick was a minnow! 

Autocorrect.  I’ll start out with a crowd favorite.  It drives me crazy!!  Whether you are emailing, typing texts, or using voice to text, I bet you have a frustrating autocorrect tale of woe.  Bring it up in a group and everyone jumps to the ready with their story.  One of my favorites comes from a colleague that was writing an apology to a client, hoping she hadn’t caused him any inconvenience.  An errant keystroke and an intuitive autocorrect resulted in the client receiving an email stating, “I hope this delay didn’t cause you any incontinence.”

I text – a lot – mostly voice to text, and I usually give the text a quick edit before I send.  But life is busy, and family and friends are comfortable, so a fair share of autocorrects slip through.  Sometimes it’s unintentional, and sometimes an autocorrect is so funny I just have to send it as-is.  The deciphering process sometimes feels like a written game of MadGab.  Here are a few favorites.

A text to a co-worker:  When did that become accept a bowl?

A text from a friend:  I prefer unscientific laundry detergent.

A text regarding my minimalizing progress:  I was looking for some items to push out of that ass.

A text from my sister at Christmas time:  I’ve just been working on our Chicken Ellidge project.

And as if ‘helping’ me with my spelling and grammar isn’t enough, now my Gmail wants to finish my sentences for me.  My mother was a great one for doing this, and unfortunately I’ve inherited that trait. I have to watch myself to keep from doing this to family and friends.  Take it from me, Google, people don’t appreciate it when you finish their sentences for them.

Photo by Tracy Le Blanc on

Social media. Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn. I can’t follow them all, but I don’t want to miss out. I use Facebook the most, and I’ve been informed (by someone young) that it’s become the social media choice of old people, so… there you go. Visiting Pinterest is like falling down the proverbial rabbit hole. I don’t have time to be lost for five hours, so I don’t go there. Snapchat: I don’t trust anything that disappears after you read it. I’m moving into a time of my life where I have a hard enough time remembering and seeing what is right there in front of me. I have a Twitter account and I enjoy reading interesting tweets and the responses. I usually wait for them to be published in the news or other social forums though, as I don’t like to sift through the other boring items for an occasional gem. I always forget to check my Instagram. And LinkedIn? I think it’s a great way to network with professional contacts, but my job keeps me too busy to check it at the office, and when I’m at home I just want to unplug from my work life.

Amazon.  It’s the devil!  Last week I gave the E-commerce company a good chunk of the blame for the struggle for survival that physical books and also brick and mortar bookstores are facing.  This week, I’m giving them grief for making shopping TOO easy.  I’m not even much of a shopper, but when I inevitably need things, how can I resist ‘Buy Now’ with one click, free shipping, and two-day (sometimes one-day!) delivery?

Alexa.  Another frustrating technology miracle brought to me by Amazon.  I love the way she plays my favorite music while keeping track of the time for perfect soft boiled eggs.  I appreciate it when she turns out the lights on our lower level when I’m too tired to go downstairs one more time.  She is always available when I have a quick question about sports (which is never) and she knows which celebrities are having a birthday ‘today.’  However, her knowledge is sometimes spotty on things that could really be considered helpful.

Me:  Alexa, which tax software is the best?
Alexa: I’m not quite sure how to help you with that?

Me:  Alexa, what’s the best way to file my taxes?
Alexa:  Sorry, I don’t know the answer to your question.

Me:  Alexa, do you know anything about taxes?
Alexa: Texas is the 2nd largest state in the United States by both area and population.

Me:  Thanks, Alexa.

So that’s my rant for this week.  And if you’re still scratching your head about the above autocorrected texts…

A text to a co-worker:  When did that become accept a bowl?  Should have read acceptable.

A text from a friend:  I prefer unscientific laundry detergent.  Should have read unscented.

A text regarding my minimalizing progress:  I was looking for some items to push out of that ass.  Should have read the nest.

A text from my sister at Christmastime:  I’ve just been working on our Chicken Ellidge project.  Should have read Dicken’s Village.

Have a great week everyone!

2 thoughts on “Autocorrect and Other Technological Advances That Make My Head Hurt

  1. Hahaha! I relate far too much with this. Auto correct story: The company for which I worked had a president whose last name was Manica. In many a email, it slipped thru as Maniac. Not best for career. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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