Mock It Up

I haven’t blogged in a couple weeks.  I’ve wanted to, but I’ve been stuck.  I decided at the beginning of this journey (because that is what my blog is to me – a learning journey) that I would use my blog for writing practice, self-discovery, and perhaps a laugh or two for my readers.  I didn’t want to use this forum to share my social or political opinions (of which I have a lot).  But with all that has been happening in our world recently, it has felt… wrong to carry on with my frivolous observations of the unimportant and mundane.  I considered pouring out the feelings that have weighed heavily on my heart and mind, but I am not an experienced enough writer to capture these complexities in writing, or to convey the proper respect and gravity that today’s world topics deserve.

Last weekend as I pondered world topics, my thoughts and feelings, and whether I should write about them or not, I did a bit of straightening about the house.  I played out the conversation that my mom and I might have if she were here, me both wishing she were here, and thankful (for her) that she is not.  In our guest room, I was cleaning out and rearranging my bookshelves.  As I moved some of MOH’s high school yearbooks, a mimeographed handout fluttered to the floor.

It was several pages stapled together and showed the results of a high school mock election.  Are you familiar with this activity?  Did you participate when you were in school?  Students are presented with a list of highly important categories and vote for their classmates to receive one of these distinguished honors.  Shyest.  Best Dressed.  Most Athletic.  I sat down on the guest bed and perused the election categories presented at MOH’s high school in 1982.  I was not surprised to see MOH’s name under Biggest Flirt. But his school had many more categories than mine.  Two dated categories were Most Preppy and Rowdiest.  Then there were some head shakers.  Biggest Eaters.  Really?  That seems like an office nobody wants to be elected to unless they are looking to be the next host of Man vs. Food.  Biggest Boozers and Biggest Losers.  Those seems like categories that might better have been left off of the ballot.  Not to be a spoil sport (thankfully not one of the categories), but underage drinking was illegal, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that being voted Biggest Loser of your class just might have a negative impact on an individual’s self-esteem.  But I’m sure it was all meant in good fun.  I did have a good laugh observing that the Best Liked Teacher, Mr. Southwell, also won the Easiest Grader category.  I’m guessing that was an unrelated coincidence.  (Wink, wink.)

I then pulled out my own yearbook.  My school election categories were similar – Biggest Flirt, Class Clown – but also tamer and lamer – Shortest, Tallest, and Longest Hair.  Really?  We needed to take a vote to identify and elect these folks?  I would think if it wasn’t apparent by observation, then someone could have run down to Ms. Corts’ classroom to get a measuring tape.

I wondered if schools today still do mock elections, and my internet search found evidence that this is still a popular class activity.  A Google Images search found lists of recommended categories as well as some printed results.  In fact, it appears that this is not just a U.S. thing, as I found one list with suggestions of Most Likely to Become Prime Minister and Most Likely to Appear on The Jeremy Kyle Show (a British tabloid talk show). 

One thing is clear – some categories stand the test of time – Best Personality, Most Artistic, Life of the Party.  There were also some new ones for our times – Textaholic, Biggest Techie, and America’s Next Top Model.  A few were confusing – Best Sneeze, Sweatiest – and some were better left off the ballot –Biggest Drama Queen (everybody already knows who you are) and Best F-Bomb. (I can throw an F Bomb with the best of them, but my mom would NOT appreciate if that’s what I was remembered for in my high school year book.)

And finally, my thoughts returned to my earlier ponderings regarding the state of our union, the politicians running this shit-show and the upcoming election this fall.  Just imagine how great it would be if we quit voting for folks based on their party affiliations and the lies they tell about themselves and each other.  What if we had a mock election?  My voter ballot would look like this.

  • Sexiest Eyes – Jason Momoa
  • Most Athletic – James Harden
  • Prettiest Hair – the young lady that works at our vet’s office
  • Best Dance Moves – Beyonce’
  • Biggest Brain –  Marilyn vos Savant (‘Ask Marilyn’)
  • The Fixer –My BFF and all-time favorite coworker AJF
  • All Around Best Personality – Jimmy Fallon
  • Biggest Rock n Roller – Steven Tyler
  • Best Carpool Partner – James Cordon

So there it is.  I did end up with a blog about politics and my thoughts on who I want to vote for this fall.  I feel better already.

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